A few candidates for Worst Salad Ever:
- The Jersey Diner Salad. Flabby lettuce, a mealy pink tomato slice, a single, limp carrot curl, three fancy-sliced radishes, and a half gallon of neon orange dressing.
- The Ubiquitous 80s Caesar. Remember when this awful pretender first emerged in the 1980s? Its ghastly omnipresence still lingers today. And don't get me started on Caesar spelled Ceasar.
- Anything on a Field of Anything. X on Field of Baby Greens. Y on a Field of Arugula. Z on a Field of Organic Spinach. I got your Field right here.
- Salad bars that, as the Man so eloquently describes, "smell like a three-day-old bag of lawn clippings on a hot day."
- ABC Salads with No Discernible ABC. Nothing says "@#*&%!!" like dropping $15 on lunch and getting a steak salad that consists of a bale of romaine and a chiffon-sheer hint of beef that tips the scales at a slender 22 grams, max. I'm lookin' at you, Mixt Greens.
- Salads served on a pipin' hot plate, fresh from the dishwasher's Sanitize Cycle.
Have you had an awful salad? Tell me!
Meanwhile, guidelines for a good salad:
- Clean, dark, leafy greens - or a mix of green and red
- Good tomatoes, or no tomatoes
- Radishes, or cukes, or something with crunch
- A sprinkle of crumbled cheese (gorgonzola, feta, something with a kick)
- Olives (mmmm, calamatas)
- Nuts (dry roasted almonds, or toasted pignolis)
- Just a drizzle of dressing - whisk together olive oil, vinegar (or lemon juice) salt and pepper. You'll need a tablespoonful or less per two cups of salad.